The lost generation
Last week I was at a conference by Fran Ballesta, a social educator, who currently works in a juvenile center in the province of Granada. I have to say that this talk did not leave me indifferent.
In the morning he spoke to the students of a local high school about the center where he works and explained young people, who were listening attentively, how children from the age of 14 had ended up condemned to spend a few years in this center, many times due to an absurd decision or situations that could have been avoided.
In the morning he spoke to the students of a local high school about the center where he works and explained young people, who were listening attentively, how children from the age of 14 had ended up condemned to spend a few years in this center, many times due to an absurd decision or situations that could have been avoided.
He shared how hard it was for these young people to be alone in their rooms, since they are not shared. How they collapsed when their families came to visit them and left after a while and how their little sisters or brothers often suffered when they saw them there and had to say goodbye, the truth is that the way he explained it, it must be very hard for all members of the family.
Generally, when we think of a juvenile center, we imagine that those held there are delinquent, aggressive, or even that they are there because they have done something very serious and that they deserve it. The truth is that I was very surprised when he said that, in fact, 20% have committed robberies, rapes, assaults, etc. Do you know why the remaining 80% are condemned? Due to child-parent violence. I was very surprised. That means that, in reality, the problem is not the children, but us, the families. This fact made me very sad, because if this is so, children are paying, but in reality, they are not responsible. With this I don't want to make anyone feel bad; It is just a very revealing fact that shows that something is wrong in today's society.
Generally, when we think of a juvenile center, we imagine that those held there are delinquent, aggressive, or even that they are there because they have done something very serious and that they deserve it. The truth is that I was very surprised when he said that, in fact, 20% have committed robberies, rapes, assaults, etc. Do you know why the remaining 80% are condemned? Due to child-parent violence. I was very surprised. That means that, in reality, the problem is not the children, but us, the families. This fact made me very sad, because if this is so, children are paying, but in reality, they are not responsible. With this I don't want to make anyone feel bad; It is just a very revealing fact that shows that something is wrong in today's society.
He referred to our generation of mothers and fathers as the lost generation, because most of us were raised in an authoritarian style, we could not decide, we had to learn to obey and now we find that our sons and daughters are the ones who impose their criteria on us, if we allow it they also dominate us, so this simile seemed very accurate to me.
I would like to tell those of you who find yourself lost, that the situation can be redirected. Families it's time empower ourselves. We have to set limits, because if we don't set them, there may come a time when they raise their hands, in which the situation gets out of control in such a way that we no longer have any other option but to denounce our own sons and daughters. If the families of 80% of those there have done it, it is something more common than we imagine.
I would like to tell those of you who find yourself lost, that the situation can be redirected. Families it's time empower ourselves. We have to set limits, because if we don't set them, there may come a time when they raise their hands, in which the situation gets out of control in such a way that we no longer have any other option but to denounce our own sons and daughters. If the families of 80% of those there have done it, it is something more common than we imagine.
It may seem crazy, but I have met families who have told me that they couldn't take it anymore and that they were going to report it. Their children stole from them, broke things in the house, bullied them, and sometimes even hit them. This can happen if we don't set limits. When a family reaches that extreme, they are afraid and do not know how to act. Therefore, it is important to start preventing this from a young age.
We can start with small things. We sit down, talk and establish what things we can and cannot do. Of course, some rules can be negotiated, such as what they like to wear or what they eat, but there are others where we don't negotiate. We cannot tolerate disrespect, bad manners when speaking to each other or the act of hitting a family member. I encourage you to move forward little by little. If we have not established standards, we cannot suddenly go from white to black, but we can gradually.
We can start with small things. We sit down, talk and establish what things we can and cannot do. Of course, some rules can be negotiated, such as what they like to wear or what they eat, but there are others where we don't negotiate. We cannot tolerate disrespect, bad manners when speaking to each other or the act of hitting a family member. I encourage you to move forward little by little. If we have not established standards, we cannot suddenly go from white to black, but we can gradually.
I love organizing family meetings. We sit down, my kids and I (since I'm a divorced mother), and talked about the things I didn't like that day. Many times, they agree that something they have done is not good and that it must be improved. So, we set a limit there.
As Judge Calatayud says, 'if we are friends to our children, then they are orphans.' It is important for them to have a reference person, someone to guide them, because if not, they will be lost, even more so than us as parents.
Many times I read books and watch videos, and now, studying the Master, I have thought: "I have done terrible at this, I have made a mistake." But I don't feel bad; I feel like I have time to learn, to change, to improve. And it is very worthwhile that you are reading this right now, that means that you want to improve, that you are looking for a change, and I congratulate you.
Nobody is born knowing; everything is a process.
I encourage you to become your best version of mother or father so that, in the future, no matter what happens, you can rest assured that you have given your best. At least that's what moves me; I may not have always done the right thing or the best, but I have done everything I can to change, grow and improve.
What do you think about this?
A hug,
Cris
As Judge Calatayud says, 'if we are friends to our children, then they are orphans.' It is important for them to have a reference person, someone to guide them, because if not, they will be lost, even more so than us as parents.
Many times I read books and watch videos, and now, studying the Master, I have thought: "I have done terrible at this, I have made a mistake." But I don't feel bad; I feel like I have time to learn, to change, to improve. And it is very worthwhile that you are reading this right now, that means that you want to improve, that you are looking for a change, and I congratulate you.
Nobody is born knowing; everything is a process.
I encourage you to become your best version of mother or father so that, in the future, no matter what happens, you can rest assured that you have given your best. At least that's what moves me; I may not have always done the right thing or the best, but I have done everything I can to change, grow and improve.
What do you think about this?
A hug,
Cris
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