Are you familiar with the term Parental Phubbing?
A few weeks ago I heard the term parental phubbing, it was the first time I had heard it and it was during a class in the master's degree I am studying. I have been reading about this term on the internet and it is something that we all know and do and to which they have assigned a name.
The name comes from the sum of two English words Phone + Snubbing. It basically refers to being in a social context of at least two people in which one or some of them is paying attention to their cell phone instead of interacting with the people present. When this behavior is carried out when the children are present, the term is known as parental phubbing.
This act may seem harmless or perhaps annoying but normalized in today's society. However, studies show that it can have a direct impact on the mental health of our children. I am referring to children because we are talking in a context of parenting and family, but this impact can occur on the mental health of any person who experiences it.
Back to the children, when we use the phone they can feel excluded, ignored, unimportant and rejected. Basic needs such as self-esteem and the feeling of belonging are put at risk, it also makes communication difficult and contact with our little ones decreases.
Obviously we live in a time in which we are pioneers, never before has a generation coexisted with technology as we do at this moment and we have to adapt little by little, therefore we are learning almost by blows. By this I mean that we should not feel guilty if we are aware that we have been doing it to our sons or daughters, but quite the opposite, it is about becoming aware and starting from now on to remedy it.
I am sure that no mother or father wants their son or daughter to feel that they are ignored, that they are not important, that we are not interested in what they have to say, that is why I would like to give you some tools to be able to start changing this habit that has crept into our lives.
Obviously we live in a time in which we are pioneers, never before has a generation coexisted with technology as we do at this moment and we have to adapt little by little, therefore we are learning almost by blows. By this I mean that we should not feel guilty if we are aware that we have been doing it to our sons or daughters, but quite the opposite, it is about becoming aware and starting from now on to remedy it.
I am sure that no mother or father wants their son or daughter to feel that they are ignored, that they are not important, that we are not interested in what they have to say, that is why I would like to give you some tools to be able to start changing this habit that has crept into our lives.
Some things we can do are:
1. Avoiding the use of a cell phone or any type of screen (including TV) during meals is crucial. We must take advantage of this moment to share experiences of the day, talk and express how we feel. I made this change at home a while ago, since I used to answer my phone at the table or watch the news while eating, but not anymore. Since then, we talk a lot. At this time of noon, for example, my children usually tell me things about school or their classmates, experiences they have had in class or at recess. I have to say that we talk a lot when there are no distractions. This creates a strong family bond and a space to express, listen and share.
2. Put on flight mode when you do a task together. If we go on an excursion we can take the opportunity to disconnect and fully enter into the activity with the family, also if we play a game or if we do a craft. Sharing moments with your sons and daughters is essential to creating a solid bond, and there is nothing they want more than for you to suggest doing something fun together. They will value these moments much more than any material thing we buy them. These family moments will be memories they have when they are adults; Rest assured that they won't remember what toy you bought them, but they will remember the fun time you had.
3. Model with your behavior. Our little ones watch us all the time, we are their reference model, if they see that we dedicate time to them and establish this as a routine, when they are teenagers perhaps they will be more receptive to spending time with the family instead of just with friends, since it will form part of your custom, we will have created a habit.
4.Set a timer when using your phone. There are applications that are very addictive and sometimes we spend on them a lot of time without realizing it. If we set a daily limit, we can continue accessing that type of content, but in moderation. Children's cell phones or tablets should have a daily limit to educate them in responsible use.
1. Avoiding the use of a cell phone or any type of screen (including TV) during meals is crucial. We must take advantage of this moment to share experiences of the day, talk and express how we feel. I made this change at home a while ago, since I used to answer my phone at the table or watch the news while eating, but not anymore. Since then, we talk a lot. At this time of noon, for example, my children usually tell me things about school or their classmates, experiences they have had in class or at recess. I have to say that we talk a lot when there are no distractions. This creates a strong family bond and a space to express, listen and share.
2. Put on flight mode when you do a task together. If we go on an excursion we can take the opportunity to disconnect and fully enter into the activity with the family, also if we play a game or if we do a craft. Sharing moments with your sons and daughters is essential to creating a solid bond, and there is nothing they want more than for you to suggest doing something fun together. They will value these moments much more than any material thing we buy them. These family moments will be memories they have when they are adults; Rest assured that they won't remember what toy you bought them, but they will remember the fun time you had.
3. Model with your behavior. Our little ones watch us all the time, we are their reference model, if they see that we dedicate time to them and establish this as a routine, when they are teenagers perhaps they will be more receptive to spending time with the family instead of just with friends, since it will form part of your custom, we will have created a habit.
4.Set a timer when using your phone. There are applications that are very addictive and sometimes we spend on them a lot of time without realizing it. If we set a daily limit, we can continue accessing that type of content, but in moderation. Children's cell phones or tablets should have a daily limit to educate them in responsible use.
Phubbing also has an impact on the person doing it as it can interfere with their daily life. On many occasions it means escaping from reality instead of facing life or problems.
Parental phubbing is a learned behavior, since it is a recent problem and we can modify it, it will cost you at first but your mental health and that of your children will be rewarded.
And you? What do you think about this?
A hug,
Cris
Parental phubbing is a learned behavior, since it is a recent problem and we can modify it, it will cost you at first but your mental health and that of your children will be rewarded.
And you? What do you think about this?
A hug,
Cris
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