Boys don't cry

This week, on two different occasions, I  heard adults say 'children don't cry' to crying toddlers.

At school we teach that emotions, although sometimes we don't like to feel them, are all good. For years this phrase has been said to children, assuming that only girls cry. The truth is that there are many men who repress their emotions because they have been taught not to cry, not to express what they carry inside, to hide their feelings.

I am a very sensitive person and I cry easily. Sometimes tears come to my eyes at a sad event, an emotional scene in a movie, sometimes with an advertisement, etc. I also cry from laughter easily. Before I was ashamed because it seems that crying is frowned upon; It is perceived as a sign of weakness. However, the truth is that crying is a natural and healthy response to our emotions. It is a way of expressing what we feel, whether sadness or happiness, and it frees us from tension, since when we cry we feel relief and that makes us feel better.

A few months ago I went to a course on how to implement Emotional Intelligence at school. Until that moment I had heard a lot about the subject and I could say that I knew what it was about superficially, but I was not able to fully put it into practice, it seemed very difficult to me.

It was a friend and colleague who encouraged me to participate in that training, and the truth is that after an intense weekend of dynamics, exercises and many hours of reflection, I left there completely renewed. I felt like I had reached another level of consciousness and was eager to begin passing on everything I had learned. I thought about how good this learning was going to be for my children, about my parents, to improve their relationship and be happier, about my partner, to be able to continue growing together and about my students, I really felt as if they had opened me up a small interior window that until then had gone unnoticed.

I thought, "I wish I had learned all this earlier," which would have prevented many negative episodes in my life and allowed me to see the positive side of things. For this reason, this year we are working on emotions in the classroom, because it is a fundamental basis in the education of our sons and daughters. As Francis Bacon said "Knowledge is power" and I want to transmit that power. Of course I have a long way to go, but I have the basic knowledge to be able to recognize emotions and with practice be able to manage them, regulate them and be resilient.

Resilience is the ability to overcome adversity, and today our young people do not have that ability, which is why it is important to train them in emotional intelligence.

If you are interested in knowing more about the subject, I recommend Living in Emotional Intelligence by Alberto Ortega, it is an easy read and very entertaining.

As Alberto says in his book; When we feel an emotion, our body is sending us a message, there is a reason, our body is wise. We do not cry for no reason, we do not laugh for no reason, every emotion is good and each one has its function, that is why we must teach children that crying is not bad.

Numerous studies show that repressing our emotions can cause many diseases and disorders, so it is essential to change that way of thinking about crying.

The next time your son/daughter or student cries, don't tell him to stop, tell him that you are there and to take his time, hug him, make him feel safe, validate his emotions.

And you? Do you know how to recognize and manage your emotions?

A hug,

Cris